Fighting the Undertow Read online

  “Don’t go yet, please? Stay a few more minutes and see this through?” Abby caught up with Val and wrapped an arm around her waist.

  Val squirmed out of Abby’s hug and turned to Jeremy. “Look, bottom line, you’re jealous. And yes, that’s my professional assessment. I show up, and all of a sudden, Ian’s turning to someone other than you for support. Not to mention sex.”

  Well, hell, now she’d gone and done it. He’d known from the start that Val had spirit, and he wouldn’t have it any other way. But as she stared Jeremy down, hands on her hips, curls whipping across the shoulders of her white blouse as she tossed her head, her eyes steely blue with anger, she couldn’t have any idea what she’d just opened herself up to.

  “Well.” Jeremy’s voice was calm now. Too calm. “You want to know about the sex?”

  Nope. Not from you, she doesn’t. Determined to head off a showdown, Ian circled the table, hoping to reach Jeremy before he could blurt out a dissertation on pre-Val group dynamics.

  “Please believe me” ‑‑ each word Val uttered carried a punch ‑‑ “when I assure you, I never had any intention of disrupting Ian’s prior attachments.”

  “So, if I wanted to steal a dance with him?” Leave it to Jeremy to put things succinctly.

  As Ian covered the final few steps between him and Jeremy, Abby and Nathan observed the proceedings in stunned silence, and Tyler devoted his full attention to chopping celery. Damn, maybe it would be best if Jeremy and Val did hop in bed and work things out between the sheets ‑‑ before the friction between them traumatized the whole group.

  With that thought, he grabbed Jeremy, curled the fingers of one hand around Jer’s elbow and anchored the other at the back of his neck, and gave him a kiss so thorough, it verged on savage. Aware he was playing with fire, he felt all the blood rush from his head down to his cock. Jeremy’s mouth remained soft, the answering exploration of his tongue tentative, almost mournful.

  Ian had expected him to meet force with force. The helpless tenderness landed a sucker punch, and he wondered if he could pull this off without hurting anyone. Softening the kiss, he brushed his fingers down the length of Jeremy’s spine and held him a moment before pulling away.

  “I’m sorry, but the answer to your question is that I’d say no.” He stroked the soft, dark hair covering Jeremy’s forearm, hoping to soften the rejection. “Right now, I’ve got all I can handle in the way of that little spitfire of a swimmer over there.”

  He turned to Val, relieved to observe an expression closer to bemusement than shock or anger. “I’m going to walk Miss Vee to her car. Make sure you save a sandwich for me.”

  * * * * *

  Val stared at the pile of cover letters as if they were written in hieroglyphics. Lacking inspiration, she’d started searching for an opening in a private practice. Near desperate to solve her career dilemma before fall, she’d even queried HMOs about positions in their mental health clinics.

  At the moment, the stack of letters arranged around her on the frilly quilt blurred in a red haze. She couldn’t stop revisiting the wave of fury that crashed over her this morning when Jeremy had whispered what he’d like to do to her in bed.

  Or, more disturbing, the rush of desire she’d felt for the brash veterinarian, and the tug she felt toward the vulnerability lurking beneath the cocky veneer. His unexpected bursts of insight and sensitivity slid past her defenses like water seeping into dry sand. Why couldn’t he be a rat bastard and be done with it?

  But even Jeremy’s proposition couldn’t spoil the morning she’d spent with Tyler’s family. She didn’t want to lose this. The sense of belonging, the surrogate family so much warmer than her own. And she didn’t want to lose Ian.

  “Val?” The door at the back of the apartment slammed shut. Brenda’s steps hurried through the apartment, then paused outside Val’s bedroom door.

  “Are you okay? You said you’d pick up lunch today, remember?”

  Damn, she’d said she’d get subs at Giorgio’s on the way back from the beach house. “Come on in. Sorry, I forgot about lunch.”

  Brenda didn’t like to leave the two teens she’d hired to help out during the tourist season alone in the shop for long. That she’d suggested they take the same lunch break indicated advice was likely forthcoming.

  “You look lost.” Brenda plopped down beside her and shoved papers out of the way. “Why don’t you come into the kitchen and tell me what’s wrong, while I throw together a couple of sandwiches.”

  Before Val could reply, Bren darted off, her pale gold hair swishing across her shoulders. With a last look at the mess of papers, Val followed and seated herself at the antique table. The contents of the shop had overflowed into Brenda’s apartment. Floral prints covered the kitchen walls, and delicate vases and figurines lined the shelves.

  “So, what gives?” Brenda handed her a glass of iced tea and threw together a couple of turkey sandwiches.

  “It’s everything I ever wanted, Bren.” Weary, she laid her head on her arms and closed her eyes. “I thought I wanted marriage, a little house, and a few kids. Turns out I want a bunch of people who care about me, and a guy who makes me crazy in bed.”

  “Here.” Brenda handed her a sandwich and joined her at the table. “Do you love Ian?”

  An important question. Hell, did she even know what love was anymore?

  “I’m crazy for him, and thinking about leaving when I find a job makes my stomach clench up. Love? I don’t know. At this point, I’m not sure I could separate that from wanting to be part of their group from how much I liked it when Tyler’s parents treated me like one of their own this morning.”

  “There’re some things you should know.” Brenda set down her sandwich and rested her hand on Val’s wrist. “I wanted to wait and let Ian tell you himself. But if there’s any chance you might be falling in love, you need to know this up front.”

  “Why do I feel like I’m in the dentist’s chair, and someone’s about to get out the drill?” Because the truth always hurts. “Okay, go ahead. Tell me whatever you know. But I think I’ve got a good part of it figured out already.”

  With unnerving clarity, the kiss played through her memory. Ian’s hand at the back of Jeremy’s neck. The silhouette of the two men’s faces as their lips joined. The moment when Ian’s show of dominance transitioned into something tender, how he’d opened his lips and let Jeremy explore with his tongue. And through it all, the sticky, wet heat between her legs as desire spread through her, and she soaked her panties.

  “When Lisa and I used to go clubbing together, she liked to talk, especially after a couple of drinks. The six of them, well…” Brenda was hardly shy. Hell, her experience with men made Val look like a nun. But it was obvious what she was about to say fell beyond her comfort zone. “The details were pretty wild, enough to make me blush, but Lisa’s stories involved the six of them getting naked together, and some pretty interesting scenarios after that.”

  Picking at the uneaten portion of her sandwich, Val tried to process the information. She knew Ian had been with Abby. And Jeremy. She’d suspected it had been acceptable within the group to seek any of the friends as sexual partners. And Jeremy’s comments had clued her in that the rules had changed since she arrived.

  But had she pictured a great big orgy on the rug in the den? Not on your life.

  “Anything else?” She might as well hear everything at once. After the bit about the group sex, the rest should be a cakewalk.

  “Yeah. The reason Lisa left.” Brenda pulled her chair closer to Val’s and slipped an arm around her friend’s back. “She said it got boring. Ian insisted on a traditional marriage, and she missed the wild sex with their friends. I figured you should know, because that kind of rejection had to leave its mark on him.”

  Hell, what a mess. “Thanks for telling me. You’d better get back downstairs before the trouble teens crash the register system again.” Summoning all her reserves of self-control, Val hugged Brenda and
stood to clear her place.

  “You’re sure you’re okay?” Brenda glanced from Val to the door, obviously torn.

  “I’ll muddle through. I’m going to finish sending out cover letters, and I’ll be down for my shift in an hour.” She gave Brenda a gentle shove toward the door. “Go check on the shop. I’ll be fine.”

  She counted backward from one hundred as Brenda gathered up her things and left. After the door banged shut, she waited another minute, then threw herself facedown on the couch and cried. Not a delicate “woe is me” sob. An old-fashioned, all-out cry.

  She’d thought she could deal with Ian’s world. Finding out about the group sex threw her, but the part about why Lisa left made things impossible. She’d never be fully part of the group ‑‑ part of Ian’s life ‑‑ unless she met his friends on their own terms. Naked. Maybe that’s what Jeremy had been trying to tell her. But the second she glanced at one of his friends, Ian would think of Lisa and wonder if she was more interested in the sex than in him. There was no way she could get close to him, truly understand him, without hurting him.

  Heaven help her, whatever she did, she was going to get hurt.

  Chapter Eight

  Ian kicked up sand as he jogged down the beach. He’d rather kick something harder, but sand would have to do. Jeremy and Nathan had joined him for dinner last night, and they’d stayed overnight at the cottage. As the evening wore on, Jeremy’s insecurity and sense of loss crept closer to the surface, and he came to Ian’s room around midnight. The beach blurred, and he surrendered to the potent images of their encounter.

  Dragged from a sleep that involved dreams with lots of nudity but no release, he woke to find Jeremy sitting at the edge of his bed, naked and hard and smelling like ocean salt and bayberry.

  “Hey.” Nothing more than that, but Jeremy’s hands on his shoulders said it all.

  It would be so easy to invite him under the covers, let him soothe away the angst of a day spent struggling with a book that didn’t want to be written. He ached to feel Jeremy’s strong hands on his cock, wild to consummate the teasing images of his dreams. As Jeremy stroked sweat-dampened hair away from his forehead, memories of past encounters played through his mind like an X-rated movie.

  Damn, he missed the crazy bliss of being sandwiched between Nathan and Jeremy, of curling against Abby while Tyler fucked her ass. The thrill of bodies tangled together, driving each other higher and higher, until they collapsed in a tired knot of limbs and drifted off to sleep, lulled by the easy intimacy that followed sex. After Lisa left, he’d wondered if it had been fair to anyone ‑‑ himself included ‑‑ to try to change the rules. And here he was, doing it again since Val entered his life.

  As Jeremy stroked a thumb along his cheekbone, Ian tried to find the will to send him away. He wouldn’t have survived the dark days after Kev’s death without his friends, and he didn’t want to shut them out.

  “I can’t. She’s not ready for something this complicated, Jer. I can’t hurt her ‑‑ don’t want to hurt you, either.”

  “Give it time. Your little spitfire might surprise you.” Bending down to kiss him first, Jeremy slipped away to go find Nathan.

  Fuck, it would have been easier if he’d pitched a jealous fit. But when he clicked the door shut behind him without a fuss, it damn near ripped Ian’s heart out.

  Ian ran closer to the water, letting the spray slap against his legs as his bare feet pounded on packed sand. This morning, he’d woken from a dream that scorched its way permanently into his memory. He’d been making love to Val on the couch in the den, her hair tangled and wild, her back pressed deep into the black leather cushions. She’d been almost purring under him, so wet, he knew she was going to come soon. As he drove his cock deep inside her, Jeremy came up behind them.

  Ian hesitated, curious to see what Val would do, but as Jeremy’s clothes hit the floor, she remained silent. When Jeremy lowered himself into the V between their tangled legs, Val made a hungry sound of welcome.

  Jeremy paused to spread cool, wet gel along the crack of Ian’s ass, teasing the puckered flesh with featherlight touches. He moaned when Jeremy entered him, the sensation of simultaneously fucking and being fucked pushing him past the edge of reason. Val reached up to touch Jeremy’s face, then cupped her palm under Ian’s chin, murmuring something soothing as Jeremy buried his dick so deep, his balls dragged against Ian’s skin.

  For what seemed like hours, he’d hovered on the edge, the urge for release white-hot, skirting the edge of pain. But they’d cradled him in a perfect rhythm, Val arching to grant Ian wider access as Jeremy buried every inch of his cock deep inside him. And when he finally came, calling both their names, he’d never felt anything sweeter.

  Waking up in a puddle of cum wasn’t a great start to the day. Hell, he hadn’t done that since high school. But he’d never forget that dream.

  God help him, he wanted to drag Val into the wonderful, terrifying world he shared with his friends, shake loose any remaining white picket fence type images of propriety. But at the same time, he wanted to keep her for himself, guarding her from Jeremy’s advances. Christ, he shouldn’t be dating a therapist. He should be seeing one professionally.

  Ian dragged his hand across his hair, surprised to find it damp with fine drizzle. The gulls cried out their defiance overhead, echoing his mood. As he slowed to a walk, he wondered if Val would show despite the weather. The ocean shone steely gray under dark clouds, and the wind whipped sand against his skin. When he spotted Val by the lifeguard chair, her curls tucked under the hood of her sweatshirt and her back to the wind, he smiled.

  “Hey. I was afraid you wouldn’t come. Maybe we should skip the swim and head back to the cottage for coffee?”

  She didn’t answer, and when he got close enough to see her expression, he felt as if someone had grabbed his ankles and dragged him under water.

  “What’s wrong?” Had Jeremy’s needling yesterday morning been too much for her? Or was it the kiss? He’d been trying to reassure Jeremy of his friendship and protect Val from whatever outrageous thing Jeremy had been about to say. But maybe seeing him with Jer in his arms had been too much for her?

  “I…both of us, me with the job search, and you with your book… We’re not making any progress. Let’s face it, I could end up anywhere at the end of the summer.”

  Scrambling for something to say, he came up blank, and his mouth felt too dry to speak.

  “Maybe we should take a few days to think things over… Give each other some time to sort things out.”

  “Does this have anything to do with what happened yesterday? Jeremy pressuring you, or me kissing him?”

  “No!” As she pulled the sleeves of her sweatshirt over her hands and shivered in the wind, he resisted the urge to take her in his arms to warm her.

  “And yes. Brenda told me yesterday, about the group, the sex, why Lisa left. I’m confused, Ian. I don’t know what to think.”

  Damn. He should have told her sooner. He’d been desperate to stop Jeremy from spelling it all out for her, only to have her get the story from Brenda. Who’d heard it from Lisa. He could only imagine what Lisa had told Bren after a few beers.

  “I’m sorry. I should have told you sooner. I wanted you to hear it from me, not a secondhand account of Lisa’s stories.” He reached out to touch her hand, but she took a step back.

  “Ian, I need some time. I don’t know what to think right now.”

  “Okay, maybe you’re right ‑‑ about focusing on our projects for a few days, I mean.” For a split second, her face crumpled as if he’d hit her, then she regained her composure. “Or if you want, we can have this talk now. I’ll tell you anything you want to know. I know it seems scary, but if we just talk it through…”

  She shook her head. “Not today. I’m too…upset, confused… I don’t even know. I just need some time.” With that, she turned and sprinted across the sand, heading for the parking lot.

  * * * * *


  Determined not to cry, Val lay staring at the ceiling. Damn it all to hell, where was she supposed to go from here?

  “Val?”

  If she ignored the tapping at her bedroom door, maybe Brenda would go away. Or not. The door opened a crack to reveal Bren’s perfect little nose.

  “I’m not feeling very social.”

  Seeming to take that as an invitation, Brenda came in and sat at the edge of the bed. “How’d it go this morning?”

  “I told him I need some time to think. Thing is, I could hash things over for weeks and not come up with an answer on this one.”

  Hell, why did she feel like she’d been hit by a wave big enough to knock the wind out of her? Even the thought of walking away from him tied her gut in knots. But she couldn’t see a way to stay.

  “Honey?” Brenda studied her. “You love him, don’t you?”

  “Given what you told me about Lisa and their friends, and that my seeing Ian just rocketed from complicated to near impossible, what does that matter?”

  “Ian’s a decent human being. I’d say love matters.”

  Val bolted upright. “You’re the one who told me to drop him at the start, and now you’re telling me never mind the kinky shit with his friends, or his abandonment issues after Lisa fucked him over ‑‑ love’s all that matters?”

  “The question is ‑‑ what do you think?” Brenda stroked Val’s hair away from her forehead and handed her a box of Kleenex.

  “I wasn’t going to cry.”

  “Mmm, because crying’s for wimps, and you’re tougher than that. I’m sure that’s what they taught you in your psych classes.”

  “Damn it, I just don’t know what to do.” When the phone rang, she nearly tackled Brenda in an attempt to stop her from answering, but her friend was too quick for her.