Fighting the Undertow Read online

  “Are you okay to walk now?”

  She nodded. She’d almost forgotten about the cramp, and the throbbing had subsided to a dull ache. When they approached the cottage, Abby waved from the window. Jeremy pointed to the feet and feathers protruding from under the sodden T-shirt and continued on toward the garage. Not sure she was ready to face Ian yet, Val followed.

  “Can I do anything to help?” She switched on the lights.

  “Nope, but you can watch, if you’re quiet.”

  Jeremy grabbed a pair of scissors from the cluttered workbench and crouched close to the door. Crooning soothing nonsense words, he set the bird on the floor in front of him. He lifted the shirt to expose a small portion of the gull and started cutting away what looked like knotted pieces of plastic.

  “She got tangled up in someone’s trash.” He snipped at the twisted loop around the gull’s neck and draped the shirt back over its head. “Should be fine now. Her wings are in good shape, and I don’t feel any injuries. Hunkered down under clumps of beach grass like she was, she’s even reasonably dry.”

  As Val followed him out the door, he pulled the cloth free and set the gull down. After a moment the bedraggled bird flapped its wings, hopped a few steps, and then took to the sky.

  Jeremy tossed the mangled fabric into the garage. “Don’t worry. I’ll buy you a new shirt.” As they headed toward the house, he chuckled under his breath. “Sorry, I thought you had your swimsuit on underneath.”

  “I’d heard the storm warnings, so I didn’t bother.” Crossing her arms to cover her lacy bra, Val stifled a laugh at the absurdity of the situation.

  * * * * *

  “Here, this is long enough for you to wear it like a dress.”

  Abby tossed her one of Ian’s sweatshirts, and modesty be damned, Val stripped out of her wet things right there in the entryway and pulled the warm, dry cotton over her head. Abby’s short hair was plastered to her head, and under the hem of an oversize terrycloth robe, her legs were sprinkled with sand.

  Since he’d been the one holding the soggy bird, Val let Jeremy claim the shower in the mudroom. She wasn’t about to go upstairs and join Ian, who didn’t seem inclined to get out of the shower any time soon.

  Abby draped a thick blanket over Val’s shoulders and gestured toward the den. “I’ve got scalding hot coffee waiting, and more blankets.”

  Within a matter of seconds, Val managed to burrow so deep into a pile of blankets, she stopped shivering and decided she might not freeze to death on the first day of July after all. Relaxing under the shell of warmth, she didn’t even mind that her feet and ankles were covered with sand. Abby settled beside her on the couch and handed her a mug of steaming coffee.

  “I just saw another side of Jeremy.” This seemed like a safer topic than anything to do with Ian.

  Abby shrugged and laid her head against Val’s shoulder, close enough that a wisp of damp dark hair tickled her neck. Surprised that the gesture didn’t make her uncomfortable, Val shifted to snuggle against the warmth of Abby’s side.

  When Val finished recounting the story of the trapped gull, Abby smiled. “Jeremy likes to play the bad boy, but he’s got a gentle streak a mile wide. That’s what kept Ian afloat after Kevin died. Jer has a gift with wounded creatures.”

  Val pondered that. If nothing else, she was starting to understand what Jeremy’s friendship meant to Ian.

  “Val, Ian told me Brenda talked to you about the group. Passed on some of what Lisa had told her.”

  Unsure how to react, Val nodded.

  “The five of us have been close for a long time. But it’s not like one day, we just decided to crawl in bed together. After Kevin died, Ian was lost in something dark, caught in a whirlpool and all but tugged under. Once he came home from the hospital, we spent a lot of time holding him, skin to skin. Nothing else seemed to help. Going through that together, not knowing if we’d lose Ian too…”

  Abby shook her head. “I don’t know how to describe it, but it fused us so close together that the sex seemed secondary. When Lisa came along, for her it was about the experience. She was in it to push boundaries. Though we didn’t figure that out until after she left. But the rest of us…”

  “Love each other. Madly, truly, deeply. Simple as that.” Jeremy nudged Val to scoot over and make room for him on the couch.

  Sandwiched between Abby and Jeremy, she felt her shoulders relax. Maybe sorting things out with Ian wasn’t so impossible after all.

  “The sex ‑‑ sure, that was part of it. But what we all are to each other, it’s miles deeper than that.” Ian crossed the room and sat on the floor at Val’s feet. He hadn’t bothered to throw on more than a T-shirt and boxers, and Jeremy draped a blanket over his shoulders. “It started out as a way to stay whole, an anchor to keep me from floating out to sea. And then it grew, and it worked, and we all loved each other so much, there didn’t seem to be any reason to stop.”

  Ian’s hair was wet from the shower, and blond strands clung to his neck and forehead. Val stared at a small birthmark near his ear. When he reached for her hand, she let him twine his fingers with hers.

  “Lisa messed with that, of course. The love, the trust… We all took a beating when she walked out. But that’s history. Where we go now ‑‑ you and me ‑‑ that’s up to you. But please don’t be frightened of anything here.” Ian spread his arms to include Abby and Jeremy. “Because none of us would ever hurt you.”

  Something about the storm had quieted the turmoil she’d felt since Brenda blurted out the facts of Ian’s sex life. The bite of fear as she’d stared out over the waves trying to find him offered a hell of a dose of perspective. And the flood of relief when he’d sprinted toward her had been unmistakable.

  “Come on, we’ll make room for you up here.” Val tugged his hand, and he squeezed in between her and Abby.

  “Val?” Sitting beside her in his old Boston College T-shirt with a blanket spread across his lap, Ian looked uncertain, vulnerable.

  “It’s okay.” She glanced from Ian to Abby. “I had so many questions, about how everything works, about where I fit in. But for the moment, it just feels good to be inside, safe and warm beside you.”

  I need him. The thought ripped through her and chased the air from her lungs. “I’m sorry I stayed away so long. It’s good to be back.”

  He pulled her onto his lap, and she pressed a kiss against the warmth of his neck. As Abby got up to call Tyler, and Jeremy grabbed his cell and ordered out for pizza, she curled up against Ian’s chest and let her eyes droop shut as he stroked her damp, frizzy curls.

  Somehow, she managed to rouse herself enough to eat a slice of pizza when it arrived, and she was half-cognizant of the fact that Nathan showed up soon after dinner. But the next thing she knew, Ian was lowering her onto his bed.

  She started to reach for him, wanting to reassure herself that he was here, warm and solid beside her. But he intercepted her hand, rolled her onto her side, and spooned his body against her back.

  “Go back to sleep. We’ll talk more in the morning.” He stroked her cheek as she drifted off to sleep.

  * * * * *

  Something woke her before daylight, and Ian stirred beside her.

  “It’s okay. It’s just Abby, getting an early start for Boston. She’s got to go back and help Nicole sort out plans for a big convention, but she’ll be back for the third.”

  Though her sleep-befuddled mind registered that it seemed strange to say Abby would be back for the third, rather than the Fourth of July, before she could ask about it, she was distracted by the smell of roses. Or rather, one rose, lying by her cheek on the pillow.

  “From Kevin. He was in and out for most of the night.”

  As if there wasn’t anything in the least bit strange about a ghost leaving a pink rose on her pillow, she snuggled closer to Ian and closed her eyes.

  “Didn’t you sleep?” If he knew Kevin had been popping in to check on them, he must have been awake for much
of the night.

  “I felt like if I drifted off, you’d disappear, so I watched you sleep. You do this cute little thing with your fists tucked up under your chin…” He let out a soft oomph as her elbow found his ribs.

  “Tell me what happened yesterday afternoon.” She rested her hand against the warmth of his chest.

  “Not much to tell. I waited awhile, decided you weren’t coming, and went for a swim. Kevin chased me out of the water right before the storm broke. I’d swum out pretty far, and the current carried me too close to the rocky end of the beach for comfort, so it took me a while to get back to shore. By then, things were getting wild. I set out at a dead run, found you, Abby, and Jeremy, and the rest, you know.”

  Shuddering, she offered a silent thank-you to Kevin for watching over his brother.

  “You must have other questions. I’ll answer them, whatever you want to know.”

  “I did, but Abby explained things pretty well last night. I mean, how the five of you got so entangled. About how you and Jeremy got so close. The rest…” She pressed her nose against his bare chest. “I thought I needed to know, but the details don’t seem to matter anymore.”

  “Where does that leave you and me?” Ian rested his hand on her shoulder, stroking the fabric of the faded blue sweatshirt she’d worn to bed.

  “One step at a time?” She sighed. “I don’t know where I’ll be at the end of the summer. I can’t make any promises. But here and now, I want to be with you.”

  “Anything else we need to cover?” Tracing his thumb along the curve of her breast, he seemed to hope they were done talking.

  “One more thing. Please, tell me about Kevin. I feel like there’s something I’m missing, something that would explain the way you close up when I mention his name, and why your mother seems to blame you for his death.”

  Ian stiffened beside her and drew back until a few inches of space separated them. “I told you. There was an accident four years ago. I lived. He died.”

  “The rest, tell me what you’ve been leaving out.”

  “Damn it, Val, I don’t want to talk about this!”

  Stunned by his unexpected outburst, she sat up and inched toward the side of the bed, but he snaked his arm around her before she could escape.

  “I’m sorry. You didn’t deserve that. There was alcohol involved, okay? End of conversation.”

  He curled on his side with his back to her, and she rubbed her palm across his tight shoulders. Nothing she knew about Ian reconciled with that version of the story. Try as she might, she couldn’t imagine him getting behind the wheel after he’d been drinking. But he’d have been four years younger then.

  She knew bright people did stupid things all the time, sometimes with tragic consequences. But her instincts told her he was leaving out something important.

  Humming softly under her breath, she rubbed and kneaded the muscles along his spine until she felt the tension ease out of his back. Then she curled close, her face pressed into the warm curve of his neck. As he snored softly beside her and the first light of dawn shone through the window, Kevin shimmered into view beside his brother. She smiled at him.

  “Thanks, for watching over Ian yesterday.”

  Chapter Eleven

  Val dumped the bag of groceries on the counter, rummaged around for perishables, and stuck the cocktail shrimp in Ian’s fridge. There was hardly room, with all the other supplies he’d bought. She’d been to a lot of Fourth of July picnics, but none, she suspected, would rival the one Ian had planned for tomorrow.

  “Hey, come here.” He set a stack of paper plates on the counter and grabbed her around the waist.

  She made a token protest, but when he kissed her, she smoothed her hands over the soft green cotton of his shirt and tilted her hips suggestively against him.

  “Jeremy and Nathan won’t get off work until four at the earliest, and Abby and Tyler won’t get in from Boston until around three. Come upstairs. I want to talk before everyone gets here.” He untangled himself from her arms.

  Absently, she straightened her silky sleeveless blouse, smoothing a few wrinkles where she’d pressed against Ian’s chest. “I want to talk” sounded ominous. She had a hunch she was about to find out why, other than gathering to assemble quarts of egg salad and clam dip, “the third” was important to the group.

  She’d heard the phrase several times during the past few days. Abby will be back for the third. Jeremy will close the clinic early on the third. Nathan will try to get off work at a decent hour on the third. Is Val coming over for the third?

  “Okay, I think I got everything into the fridge that needs to be there. I guess the rest may as well sit out awhile.” Trying to ignore the nervous flutters in her stomach, she followed Ian out of the kitchen and up the stairs.

  “Hey!” Startled, she swatted his ass as he tackled her, carried her the last few yards to the bedroom, and tossed her on the bed.

  “There, that’s where I like you best.”

  Given how much she’d missed him, and how good it felt to have his arms around her, she wasn’t inclined to argue. He nibbled a path along her neck.

  She wiggled out from under him. “Nope. Talk first. Then mind-blowing sex.” If he planned to tell her something that made her edgy, she’d rather get it out of the way.

  His face clouded, and he shifted over to the other side of the bed. He lay on his stomach with his head turned toward her and propped his chin on his hands. As she waited for him to organize his thoughts, she noticed a flicker of light by the window. Maybe just the sunlight brushing past the curtains as they fluttered in the breeze. But with Kevin on her mind, her mood shifted, became serious.

  “You know, you told me there was alcohol involved the day Kevin died. But I realized later, you never told me you were driving.” Despite the fact that it would have explained his sense of guilt and his mother’s near loathing, she couldn’t accept that version of events.

  Ian bolted upright, swung his legs over the side of the bed, and got up to pace around the room. Damn, if he was driving that day, he’d think she was punishing him, making him say what she should already have figured out on her own.

  The flicker by the window grew stronger, and Ian spotted it too. “I can’t…” He turned toward the bedroom door, but suddenly there in full sight, Kevin blocked his path.

  “Okay, no, I wasn’t driving.” He moved back to the bed and sat beside Val, then glanced up at the ghost. “Kevin was.”

  “Then why…?”

  “It’s still my fault! I knew he’d had a few drinks, and I let him convince me he was sober enough to drive. I’m just as responsible for his death as if I’d crashed the car myself.”

  She shook her head, and Kevin mirrored the gesture. “Hear me out. Then I’ll let this go, and you can tell me whatever you need to let me know about the infamous third.”

  “Fine.” He looked tortured, like an animal caught in a steel trap.

  “Your parents think you were the one driving?”

  He nodded.

  She’d get the details from Abby some other time. She didn’t intend to make him rehash how his family had managed to operate under that false assumption for so many years. But there was one simple piece of information he needed to hear.

  “You need to tell them, Ian. I know you feel responsible, but it wasn’t your fault. They should know that.”

  He sat quietly, but he gripped a pillow so tightly, his knuckles were white from the strain. “Done?”

  “Yes, that’s all.” Pushing him further wouldn’t accomplish anything.

  Glancing around the room, she realized Kevin had vanished. She waited for what came next. Would Ian still want to talk to her about whatever the friends had planned for tonight? Or should she leave, give him some time to pull himself together before the others arrived?

  Shaking his head, he touched her hand. “No matter how hard I make it for you, you’re determined to save me from myself, aren’t you?”

  What
could she say to that? Val Keating, therapist and meddler extraordinaire. With a groan, she leaned back onto the pile of pillows. “Sorry.”

  Pull it together, Winters. For the past couple days, he’d shown Val how difficult, contrary, and bitter he could be at his worst. On the heels of that, he’d have to explain about tonight. Hell.

  “You don’t need to apologize. I do. I know you’re trying to help. It’s just a tough subject for me.” Wasn’t that the understatement of the century? “And since we’re dealing with tough subjects already…”

  Oh, shit, now she looked scared. Smooth move, Winters. “Don’t look so frightened. Compared to the last topic, this one’s pretty light.” But how the hell could he describe the group’s personal Mardi Gras?

  With his luck, he’d botch this completely. He pulled her onto his lap, reassured when she molded her body to fit his. As her breasts brushed his arm, the satiny cloth of her blouse warm against his skin, he struggled to focus on the matter at hand.

  “Before I explain, I want you to know that you and I can spend the night at your place if you want. We don’t have to stay here. I can write a note, do my share of the picnic preparation, and we can take off before anyone even gets here. If it’s too awkward to have me over at Brenda’s place, we can check into a hotel.”

  “Will you just tell me what’s going on here tonight?”

  Ian bent down to rest his forehead on her shoulder. “At some point, even before all of us got so close, the third became a big party day at the cottage. When we were younger, we’d get drunk and do outrageous things, run naked across the beach at twilight, or whatever.” And wouldn’t his parents have enjoyed the headlines if he’d gotten arrested for indecent exposure?

  Okay, spit it out, Winters. “The past few years, we’ve kept things indoors.”

  “Oh!” She dissolved into a fit of laughter, gripping his thigh for support.

  “Glad you find us so hilarious, Miss Vee.”

  “I’m sorry. Jesus, you should have just come out and said it at the start. ‘Val, the third’s traditionally reserved for group nudity and wild sex,’ or something like that. I thought it must be something worse, since I already know the five of you have fooled around together, and you were making such a big deal about this.”